Absolutely brimming full of pith and vinegar this morning. A weekend of broken sleep may not have helped but I can’t but think that the reason I am so reviled by this new basstad sitting beside me is that he is an absolute aching backside.
He is South African – so in fairness the cards he has been dealt by the lottery of where we are born have not been kind.
Consider the following:
Colleague #1 ‘we went to Waggamammas.’
ME <<makes face>>
Colleague #2 ‘Yeah it’s not really my cup of tea.’
ME ‘It’s for tourists really.’ (this is meant to be withering. It is withering. But he is not a man who receives anything other than, simple messages very plainly and loudly articulated).
NEWGUY starts quietly saying TGI Fridays to himself. He is sitting beside me. I can’t ignore it.
ME (to him). ‘Sorry?’
NewGuy ‘TGI Fridays is a good place.’
ME ‘Hmm?’ (not enthused about that notion).
New Guy ‘They have some great food in there.’
MC ‘Not my sort of place.’
NewGuy ‘You don’t like meat!’ –SHOCKED-. Really quite shocked.
I thought, hello we may have a problem here. I found it odd. That was a big jump. This is the crucial exchange.
I don’t like TGI Fridays – so I don’t like meat. Jesus f88king Christ, this is why we need to teach philosophy in the schools. Could it be NewGuy that there may be other reasons that I don’t like “TGI Fridays”. That it is in fact precisely because I do like meat that I detest “TGI Fridays”. That I dislike their habit of serving bad meat badly, pouring vast quantities of sugary sauces over the top of it and serving it with Fries whilst blowing a trumpet in my ear. Oh and by the way why are you so shocked by the idea of someone not liking meat. FFS!
This, this, this is what it means to take your toil in an office. This is the daily grind and misery of working in an environment that throws together such disparate souls ladies and gentlemen. The humanity the humanity…
I said, and please bear in mind I had had a week of broken sleep and I am a grumpy basstad in the morning at the best of time, and it was a Monday. I said, ‘well yeah, and I think they give you a balloon if you finish everything on your plate.’
Waspish, snippy, quite possibly unnecessary.
Bear in mind also that he called me Mike – that thing that blokes do.
And he nearly broke my hand shaking hands.
This was all within 5 minutes of meeting him. I have filed him as a three time ****. Card marked. Bring me some deliverance.