Helium Balloons available inside.

In one of my ‘local shops’ (small, papers, milk, chocolate – the essentials) there is a sign in the window, hand written in black marker that reads:

‘Helium balloons available inside’.

I find this perplexing.

I mean there are a lot of things “available” in there. I have mentioned some of them already. But in addition to those items there are a good few that are possibly more appealing, that is would have a bigger market than targeting the helium ballooner who is caught short, helium balloonwise, whilst out and about in Tuffers of a Saturday afternoon.

And the ‘inside’ is quite odd too.

The little man who works there – the owner I would say – is one of those shopkeepers who doesn’t like to move around very much. This includes when he is handing you your change. The arm does not go out very far. He quests for you with no enthusiasm at all. I reckon he is not comfortable with the concept of handing money back, as a general principle.

So, I have taken agin him.

It’s such a poxy little sign too – I mean if he is going for the (helium) balloon enthusiast – and has went to the trouble of getting his black marker out and a sheet of A4 out , you think he’d make a better job of it.

I might go in, ask him if he stocks balloons, he’ll say yes. I’ll say…

Helium balloons. They have to be helium my good man.

Oh yes, did you not see the sign?

Sign, what sign? I saw no sign.

And he will direct me, with only the vaguest, ineffectual movement of his arm to his Helium Balloons stocks… and I’ll find them and have a look at them for a minute, before turning to him and saying.

No no. Oh no. These are the wrong kind. Good day.  


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